15 Comments
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Som's avatar

I’ve recently stopped reading as much on Substack because I find it puts me in a worrying place, which is what “they” want. I’m glad I read this though because it made me laugh. Thank you. :)

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Kevin Durant?'s avatar

This just reminds me of all the experts on TV after the election saying they are so glad Biden is President because they don’t have to worry anymore.

😂😂🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️

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Rusty Shackleford's avatar

Fucking genius.

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Rusty Shackleford's avatar

The 5th paragraph details why my stress levels have been turned up to 11 lately. And I'm totally stealing Jiao Bideng!

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Kevin Durant?'s avatar

Yes!! I’ve been trying to get that nickname off the ground. Don’t forget to also use Lebron Jiang now that the NBA is fully communist.

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ruralbob's avatar

All I can say is I'm glad I started my tomatoes last week.

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Kevin Durant?'s avatar

Growing tomatoes is pro-Putin. You must patriotically embrace the higher prices at the store to support Biden and Ukraine and to stop the spread.

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ruralbob's avatar

I guess I need to go find the Roundup then.

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Masa Jones's avatar

Just drink a litre of Russian vodka and pee on them. More interesting than just pouring it on them. I don't know why. It just is.

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Guttermouth's avatar

You mean you started your Victory Garden to grow tomatoes for The Troops.

That's what you meant.

Right?

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ruralbob's avatar

Yeah, that's it!

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Guttermouth's avatar

Cool. Then we'll allow you, a free citizen guilty of no crime, to keep the products of your own land.

As long as you remain a free citizen guilty of no crime.

We'll get back to you.

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Stewie's avatar

This was quite funny, even by your standards. And I don't know your real name but I'm going to call you Don Lemon because of your bizarre obsession with penises and horse medicine. Wash your hands.

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Kevin Durant?'s avatar

*Dong Lemon

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Rusty Shackleford's avatar

I'm so glad I revisited this thread over a month later.

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