Wear Your Sombrero

New guidance from the Sí D Sí

First I just want to say how much I love Biden’s sanctions approach. He says to check back in a month to see how they are working. It’s literally 15 days to stop the Russians. Every nation must get sanctionated and boosted as soon as possible.

We are screwed.

Oh and also the entire national security apparatus is on TV telling us to change our passwords to ward off Russian hacks. Obviously, if you operate the servers at American Express, you should change the password on that son of a bitch ASAP. Or if you work at the hydroelectric dam or whatever. Pretty sure Putin isn’t going after my individual Schwab account though. If you know computers and I’m missing something here, let me know. This seems much more like the intentional spreading of panic, a psyop, laying groundwork, as opposed to an effective counter measure.

*cough* (great reset) *cough*

What do you call a healthcare worker who is self-absorbed? ……..a nursessist? Okay well self-absorbed American rubes have been absolutely swamping our healthcare system with totally preventable cases of skin cancer. That’s 1.8 million cases per year, to be exact. Unlike COVID, where 90%+ of the cases resolve on their own, each case of skin cancer requires medical attention, ranging from minor interventions to major surgery and chemotherapy.

This is why the CDC is now mandating sombreros for all Americans. They protect you from the other deadly corona (the sun) and they put you in the mood for drinking Coronas!! They also have the nice side benefit of being tremendous for social distancing. *bonk* *sombrero bonking noise* *bonk* If you want a sombrero that will give you the most protection I recommend getting a medical grade Ñ95…..💃🏻💃🏻

The terrible selfish people who shirk their responsibility to the collective and refuse to wear their sombrero are diverting scarce medical resources. Women of color die at a much higher rate during child birth. That would end tomorrow if you wore your sombrero. 1.8 million cases? Do you know how many healthcare worker hours that is? We could easily reallocate those assets, turn them into covert operatives, and have them find all of the racist nurses and doctors who are racistly killing pregnant women of color. Quince dias to stop the spread, beotch!!

It may sound like I’m joking, but what possible rationale could Señor Fauci provide for NOT mandating sombreros? I’ll wait. They are cheap and effective and we are talking 15,000 deaths per year. Just wear your sombrero. What’s the big deal? A total of 20 healthy kids died from COVID during the whole pandemic and kids are still wearing masks while they pee themselves outdoors shivering during lunch. WHY CAN’T YOU JUST WEAR YOUR SOMBRERO WE ALREADY MANDATE WEARING PANTS YOU ARE UNPATRIOTIC.

Of course there would be the occasional weirdo who wears his sombrero in the car. The airplane fights over sombreros would be catastrophic. Have you ever tried to take a dump at 30,000 feet in a sombrero? Good luck even fitting inside the dung closet with that thing on. Would you have to take your sombrero off in between bites? What about two sombreros? One outer sombrero to hold the inner sombrero in place.

And, of course, in an effort by public health officials to max out the irony-O-meter, the only people not required to wear sombreros would be people coming from Central America. Imagine them checking the compass on their iPhone when they get to the southern border and see swarms of sombreros up ahead. What about government mandated bandoliers except instead of bullets they have crack pipes and abortion pills? I’m just spitballing here.

Oh well. We will never know because Public Health is a fake discipline that should be driven into the ocean and they have no standards, consistency, or limiting principles.

Speaking of carbon emissions, what about donkeys? Trade in your gas guzzler for a burro. This will stop the ocean from going up more. It’s The Science™️. Trust los experts.

Jose Bideña 2024 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸