Invasion Reduction Act™️

A thoughtful approach to managing the blowback from Amy Coney-Barrett’s menopause

So as you may have heard, Amy Coney-Barrett adopted some Haitian kids and then she got old and her hormones went crazy and now the Supreme Court has ruled that the United States is officially a dumping ground for the entire cast and crew of National Geographic and also those guys with bad teeth in the Lord Of The Rings movies. As you may recall I have requested that we refer to Sonia Sotomayor (D) as Sonia Sodomizer, for obvious reasons. I’m having trouble coming up with a similar nickname for prominent traitor Amy Coney-Barrett (D). The best I’ve got so far is Amy Pony-Carrot because she is better suited for wearing an apron and working at a petting zoo. They can’t all be winners.

Since this entire thing revolves around a sinister word game invented by Retarded Wizards (D) where we use the thought terminating cliche ‘Birthright Citizenship’ to describe the parasitic activities of bloodthirsty human trafficking cartels and Democrat Industrial Rape NGOs, I think it’s only appropriate that Republicans respond with a cutesy rhetorical ploy of their own. So I would like to introduce my plan to draft and force a vote on the Invasion Reduction Act™️.

The Invasion Reduction Act™️ would simply explain and codify what Birthright Citizenship actually is. Of course this is something we have always known, but since Democrats are demonic fruitcakes who lie about everything, we have to do the whole “what is a woman?” routine with this as well. If your mother is a citizen of France, your birthright is French citizenship. Complicated? No. If she gives birth to you on a cruise ship in international waters you don’t have to live in the fucking ocean, okay? You also do not have the birthright to establish permanent residence on the cruise ship and spend your life playing blackjack while experiencing diarrhea. She’s French and so are you. This is the easiest concept to understand that I can possibly imagine. I’m personally lobbying my congressman to somehow include “Boys have penises and girls have vaginas.” in the language of the Invasion Reduction Act™️ just because. Maybe we can include a whole list of obvious statements just to see if Democrats push back on them. Perhaps we can begin a robust national dialogue about whether or not hay is for horses. Why not? We’ve come this far.

Speaking of horses, this reminds me of a bit I did when I was doing standup in college. The joke was about how I wish I could go back in time and be in the courtroom the first time someone got caught having sex with a horse because initially it wasn’t illegal because no decent person would even think to make a law against it because it’s something you can’t even imagine someone would do. But unfortunately Democrats exist so we have to make laws against sodomizing livestock and we have to explain what birthright citizenship is as well. Anyways, I did a little reenactment of the judge asking the horse molester to please stop and also warning him that the legal people are definitely going to add this to the list of things you can’t do at the next meeting. I haven’t done standup in a while but I have a new joke about how I’m starting a kosher smoothie shop called Jamba Jews (it’s a pun) and I’m working on opening a sports bar for people named in the Epstein Files called Buffalo Child Wings (also a pun). It would be a high end place for elite clientele and it would have sports on TV but it would mostly be high school girls volleyball and the Little League World Series. Stuff like that.

So, in closing, to my Democrat friends (I’m just kidding we aren’t friends and you are going to hell when you die) you guys have won this round. We sent women to law school and now the subway is full of people wearing face paint and hunting for dogs with spears. A predictable result. But the Invasion Reduction Act™️ is coming, and you will be forced to send your army of gay nurses and women with personality disorders to fight us in the streets as we go door to door explaining to foreign invaders that you can’t have sex with horses and also your kid is a citizen of the country you are a citizen of, which ironically is probably a country where you are allowed and possibly even encouraged to have sex with horses.

Happy Fourth of July Weekend!!!