From Groom to Tomb

Your grandma is probably trans tbh

Sorry I haven’t posted recently. I’ve been grieving and drinking alone ever since I found out someone else came up with the catchphrase “Okay, groomer.” before I did.

First I want to say to everyone who wants their student debt cancelled, you can join the military. They actually have a deal where they cancel your debt. Two birds with one stone, honestly. Your student debt gets cancelled AND you get to go fight the Russians which you are currently pretending is of the utmost importance to you.

Second, regarding the Oreo commercial about coming out of the closet that everyone is criticizing, I beg to differ. While people may say it’s ridiculous pandering because they are just a cookie company, those people are wrong. This absolutely is an appropriate domain for Oreo to be involved in. For decades, Oreos have been one of the best tools for determining child gayness. If your daughter licks the frosting she’s gay, and if your son pulls an entire sleeve out of the box, grips it with both hands, and shakes the cookies into his mouth while groaning, then he’s gay.

(While typing that last paragraph, spellcheck put a squiggly red line under “cruticizing” when I typed it that way instead of just fixing it. What year is this? 1850? Fix your shit, spellcheck.)

Anyways, this whole Democrat groomer thing is great for me. I now have three main topics to write about

1. poopoo jokes

2. peepee jokes

3. groomer jokes

First I want to address the notion that groomer attacks are attacks on gays. They are not. They are described as attacks on gays by homophobes who actually do think that gay people are the ones doing this. They aren’t. Gay people are not doing this. Democrats are doing this. Teachers are doing this. Most teachers are Democrats and they know that creating more LGBTQIA+ kids creates Democrat votes.

I will continue to make the offer. If you really don’t think that kids can be manipulated in a way that affects them long term, give me your kids for six hours a day. I fucking dare you. Oh all of the Democrats got real quiet there didn’t they. Not gonna give me your kids, huh? Worried I might have an impact? Fucking dishonest sacks of shit.

You know the groomer-bashing has really gained steam when David French starts to object. David has decided to become the quarterback of pro-pedo conservatism. Let’s call him Groomer Esiason. Go Bengals!! Which reminds me of my nickname for the Bengals cheerleaders, the ‘Bang Gals’. It’s a joke about them being whores…..

🥴🥴🥴

David French’s position, essentially, is that calling people groomers is an unfair smear because it’s not really grooming unless you penetrate. I’m not exaggerating that much. Basically he thinks you need to bang the kids in order to be considered a groomer. Real grooming has never been tried, is his view.

Here’s the actual definition of grooming

There is no doubt that the above is happening on a massive scale. I’m sorry if David French and Noah Rothman demand evidence of penetration, but it’s not required. In order to believe that all of this is natural, and that there is no grooming, you have to believe that 22% of kids now identifying as LGBTQIA+ reflects the actual prevalence. In fact, since there are allegedly tons of gays and trans offing themselves because of how unfriendly society is to them, the 22% number must be low. If it’s so bad that LGBTQIA+ people are killing themselves en masse then there must be a substantial population living in the closet still.

So let’s say the real number of gay and trans people is 30%. That sounds about right. This is why I say your Nana is probably gay or trans and she’s hiding it. See because if 30% is the real number, then that’s always been the real number. So since only 2% of people in their 70s identify as gay or trans, that means 28% of them are LIARS!!! You better go check to see if grandma has a penis. Text her right now. We gotta just break the ice here. Maybe she wants a penis. I don’t know. Just start talking to your grandma about penises ASAP and let me know how it goes in the comments.

Let’s also address the suicide thing. This again is horseshit propaganda from actual homophobes and transphobes who view all of these people as mentally ill and disabled. They are the same people who think a gay pride parade represents homosexuality. As if leather chaps, pink strap-ones, and behaving like a lewd dickhead in public is a good representation of people who are gay.

If trans child suicides are bad now, why weren’t they worse in the 70s 80s and 90s?? Hmmm? Whatever you think we should be doing, there is no legitimate argument where the 80s were more trans-friendly than today, even with the cocaine. The 1920s should have been an epidemic of child trans suicides, but it wasn’t. Why not? That’s because these kids aren’t actually trans or BIPOC or LGBTQIA+ or whatever. They are grooming victims. More grooming equals more suicides.

With Tom Brady coming back, I’m hoping he wins the Super Bowl and instead of saying “I’m going to Disney World” when he wins I hope he says “I’m going to Six Flags because they don’t try to bang my kids”. It’s +7000 on the prop bets card.