Essentially, Biden’s border policy is based on the lifeboat scene from Titanic. In a White House press briefing, Peter Doocy asked the equally weird-named Jen Psaki about their plan and she said:
“Is that a big issue, you think, at the border? You think pregnant women are posing a big threat to the border, to the border communities?”
Obviously his response should have been
“Okay so just Haitian men are a threat then? What do you find so threatening about Hatian men, Jennifer?”
Snappy one-liners aside, I really don’t see any way this could go wrong or be exploited. A mad dash across the third world to obtain children and female traveling companions? What could possibly go wrong?
Personally, I am always trying to get tickets to the Masters so I keep a minivan, a stroller, and $1000 cash in a storage unit just in case they ever give priority to family units, but that’s just me. I’m unique. Most people wouldn’t try stuff.
It’s not all about children. As long as you’re with a woman it’s fine. We welcome you and your family, with ‘family’ defined as ‘woman plus other individuals’. If you know anything about women, you know that they don’t lie very much. Hardly ever. Real bunch of straight shooters, those women. Forthright truth-tellers, the lot of them.
This is what happens when your Press Secretary is named after two kinds of liquor. Gin Sake? Who’s replacing her? Jack Daniels or Drinky Von Boozenstein?
Which brings me to the border horses. Those horses were hopped up on Ivermectin I bet. Probably taking the generic kind from Mexico, which is called Ivermexican™️ obviously.
No one likes to see horses patrolling a border like that, but it’s a dramatic improvement over the previous American immigration system where the people who landed here were chased by people on horses and then had their scalps ripped off.
By the way, is there anything that reeks more of silver spoon, blue blood, aristocracy than inheriting, tax free, 160,000 acres of beachfront property as your birthright? Just because your great-grandparents were the first ones to cross the ‘ice bridge’ or ‘land bridge’…..or whatever it is that happened during evolution, that resulted in 2,600 people owning a continent.
Imagine defending this most extreme version of zero-immigrant inherited landowner nobility to the death, while being laser-focused on raping Jeff Bezos who was born to a teen mom in New Mexico. Okay so if your dad was good at riding a horse 1200 years ago, your lineage now has complete ownership of New Mexico, Wyoming and Utah for eternity, and it’s racist to question this. Alternatively, if you were born to a teen mom in the desert, and you out-competed everyone in modernity, screw you, your boat has a hot tub and this is an injustice.
Anyways, I guess this is the border strategy you would expect from the people who decided their vaccine strategy should be
🔥‘MAKE THE VACCINE SEEM EXACTLY LIKE THE MARK OF THE BEAST’🔥
I’m strangely glad to see you with your own news letter! Good points - especially about the obvious consequences of telling men that having a woman or child along will get them in the lifeboat. Incentive to go steal some kids, right?
Now can we just talk about that question mark...?
I can make a comment, witches, I’m really enjoying reading your stuff it’s extremely funny and witty. I found this one on immigration a bit confusing but the one on Dave Chapelle and the one on the comb-over we’re fantastically funny